Tuesday, 19 January 2016

Time Sanitizers - A Mammoth Problem

“What do you mean; we’re stuck in a time loop? Surely it naturally goes entirely in one direction; onwards and upwards?”
“Yes so we thought; that was until we became a time travelling species.”
“Do you mean time anomalies; I thought we had been thorough in putting safeguards in place?”
“We thought we had, such as ensuring no one was allowed to leave advanced technology in past eras, and the mind scan on all those entering Chronological Windows; lest they plan on a vengeance crusade for past genocidal crimes. If only it really was as easy as going back and slaying the first slaver captain or killing a future dictator.We have learned that such deeds invariably create unforeseen consequences and overall distortions of the time lines, despite the time criminal having the best of intentions for humanity as a whole.”
 “You’re such a worrier, I’m sure we can fix this particular problem like we always do.  We move among past populations with as little interaction as possible and restore history. We are the Time Sanitizers Making the Past Pristine – that’s our motto after all!”
“I know, I know but I’m unsure how we go about fixing this one.”
“Try me, what have you found?”
“Do you remember your history of the early C21st, especially the Russo-Japanese project in cloning mammoths?”

“Vaguely, and what a godsend it became, to think it was initially embarked upon purely out of curiosity at the time.”
“Yes that’s correct, Paleo-Archaeologists found intact Mammoth specimens encased in the Siberian permafrost and with Japanese cloning technology, the DNA was extracted and engineered into an Asiatic elephant; soon a whole extinct species began to reappear globally around zoos and safari parks.
“Yes and if I recall my history at the time, due to an accumulation of atmospheric particulate pollution there was a global dimming and planet-wide cooling, not to mention the near extinction of bees due to GMO insecticide carrying plants; humanity faced difficult times.”
“We did indeed, as the ice packs advanced and populations had to migrate towards the tropics, traditional domesticated species began to die out. The only species that thrived were the Neo-Mammoths. They soon became a prime food source, occupying vast swathes of what previously had been the temperate zones, and they still do. I can only hope that geneticists can solve the Trunk Rot disease problem that has arisen in the global population. If the mammoths die out again, where will that leave us?” 
“All rather worrying, but why should this concern us Time Sanitizers?”
“Well we have just discovered from the time travelling matrix that the militant Anti-Flesh League accessed the Balkan Chronological Window last night.”
“What did they do? Try and assassinate the inventor of spam or cornbeef perhaps?”
“You need to take this seriously! No they sent a small herd of mammoth back in time to the last glacial period – circa 12000 BCE - meaning to let them roam free, or so they thought.”
“So? A few near domesticated mammoth are released in the previous Ice Age. They are semi-tame and will be easy pickings for our ancestors.”
“This herd was carrying the Trunk Rot mutation in a dormant state and was under observation.”
“Damn those Anti-Flesh League hippies, the herd may cross breed and infect the whole ancient population. I see your sense of urgency. We must go and eliminate this herd; it’s certainly a job for us Time Sanitizers to Make the Past Pristine! I will bring the Chronological Window online; we will need Neolithic holographic clothing.”
“You don’t understand. The Anti-Flesh League miscalculated, they didn’t send the herd into the early Holocene, they sent them into the Pliocene instead.”
“Hang on; didn’t Mammoth first appear in that epoch?”
“What are you saying?!”
“That we are in a time loop. We can’t eliminate these mammoths as they are the precursors of the entire species. If we do we will alter the entire human history as, from the pictographs shown in cave paintings, our ancestors hunted them. Not to mention the cultural significance of these beasts, when their fossil remains were discovered.”
“Oh my god, so if I understand correctly; mammoths were resurrected from fossil remains of a creature sent into the past from the future? That can't be possible!”

“But it is; its a chicken/egg quandary. Who knows what ramifications this holds but we can expect some form of chronological consequence.”
“Well look on the bright side.”
“There’s a bright side?”
“Yes, as in an archaeological mystery is solved. We now know why they died out. It wasn’t over-hunting or climate change, it was most probably trunk rot!”


  1. May you never experience "trunk rot"..!!!

    1. Luckily its a disease that cant be passed from Proboscideans to primates, so I think we're safe Jim!