A Flawed Perfection

Here:
“And you say this area is how large, Russell?”

Russell  Lawrence smiled at his superior. “In the cosmic scheme of things it is tiny, but in human terms it is vast; we estimate it is over one billion light years across.”

“One billion light years of complete void?”

“Indeed.  We first noticed it when analysing data from NASA’s WMAP satellite…”  

“Excuse me, the WMAP?”

“The Wikinson Microwave Anistropy Probe; it mapped the Cosmic Microwave Background. This area appeared to be a cosmic coldspot, containing little residual energy from the Big Bang. We studied it in detail and there were no radio emissions from that area; no galaxies or clusters, nothing.”

“An area of Dark Energy perhaps?”

“Not even that, Director. Dark Matter can’t be seen but betrays its presence through microwave radiation. It even seems to slow photons – light particles – which pass through it.”

“Then what can this area be?”

Russell shrugged his shoulders. “A flaw in the universe? At this stage we just don’t know…”

There:

“It’s exquisite and priceless, where was this diamond found?” the Jewel Appraiser held the huge crystal, his loupe lens to his eye.

“It was found in an ancient Egyptian temple, of around 2700BCE at the beginnings of the Old Kingdom.” The Archaeologist answered.

The Appraiser laughed. “I’m sure. But who cut it? This must be over 3100 carats and it weighs over half a kilo. It is unusual not to have been alerted to such a jewel, when it is sent to be cut from its rough form.”

“It was discovered in its present state.”

The Appraiser looked up at the man, a disbelieving look in his eye. “No it wasn’t. This jewel has been cut and polished to near perfection, just look at the facets, each the same size. Besides are you telling me that this diamond was cut over a thousand years before the iron age? And then just left in a pyramid?”

“It wasn’t found in a pyramid, it was found in a previously unknown building complex.”

“And you just stumbled upon the site?”

“No. We followed the Piri Reis map. “

“Should I be aware of this map?”

“It dates from 1513 and belonged to an Ottoman Admiral; Piri Reis. It is only a fragment and yet shows parts of the world –lands around the Atlantic Ocean - in extraordinary detail. It is said that a certain Christopher Columbus may have seen it prior to his voyage of discovery. It is said to be a copy from a Ptolemaic copy chart in the library fire at Alexandria. The whole map has a spider web  of compass roses superimposed upon it.  When we converted it to a modern map , using a computer programme, the centre pinpointed where we found this relic.”

“It just can’t be,” The Appraiser said, “This is no relic, the cutting is near perfect.”

“Near perfect? You’ve said near perfect twice now.”

“Yes, here I’ll show you,” the Appraiser said handing over his Loupe Lens. “You’ll need maximum magnification, but if you look just to the left of centre you will see a dark area. Do you see it? It’s quite amazing in itself; there seems no foreign body or anomaly causing it. You can see it from all the different sides, no light can seem to pass through it.”

“What can it be?”

“Even in something as perfect as this, there is a flaw, shall we use stronger magnification and have a look?”

Elsewhere:

“And you say this area is how large, Russell?”
Russell  Lawrence smiled at his superior. “In the cosmic scheme of things it is tiny, but in human terms it is vast; we estimate it is over one billion light years across.”

“One billion light years of complete void...”

Cradle will Fall

-Rockaby baby on the tree top -

The Titan Star Trawler nudged closer to the bloated heliosphere, swinging the particle nets behind the ion engine driven craft.

“It appears as though there is a spike of solar activity,” the helmsman said in his semi-electronic voice. “I would recommend a course correction to account for the incoming gravity wave and the drag caused by the increased mass we are towing.”

“Stay on this course for a while longer Helmsman,” the Captain replied in his similar half organic drone. “Are we nearing the desert world?”

“Yes Captain we are following its orbit, however…” the Helmsman’s answer was interrupted by an insistent beeping of an alarm. He reached and switched it off, as his cranial feed was given data from the Star Trawler’s sensors. “We can tarry on this orbit no longer Captain, sensors indicate that the heliosphere is entering a period of expansion and will consume the desert world at any moment.”

 

 

-When the wind blows the cradle will rock-

The captain’s voice emitter made a strange eerie sound, like a grating sigh. “Very well, take us out one half AU now, but keep parallel with this orbit. We will make another orbit of the star to take advantage of the coming mass expulsion, not to mention the metals available from the destroyed planet.”

“Very well Captain,” the Helmsman replied, adjusting the course, taking the Trawler further out. The ship began to shake violently as the engines fought the gravitational effects of the bloated star on the ballooning particle nets and their increasing mass. More alarms sounded and the helmsman’s organocyborg  digits moved furiously  on the naviboard.

-When the bough breaks-

“Helmsman!” the Captain said in concern as more lights flashed warnings about compromises to the hull integrity.

 The shaking gradually subsided as the hum of the ion engines increased and compensated for the increased drag. The Helmsman voice emitter gave a cackling rattle as he laughed; one by one the alarms began to terminate their warnings. “That was close it appears that the star is expanding as we speak. But thanks to my skill we will see Titan again… and I’ve saved our haul!”

The Captain’s voice emitter did not echo the Helmsman’s humour. “If we… you had lost our haul then you may as well exit the airlock and join the star yourself.” The Captain reconsidered his reprimand.” But well done. Yes we shall see Titan again.”  His synthiorganic mind wandered then as he recalled the beauty of the reflections of the Ringed Mother in the methane polar seas of his home world and yet, his species original Eden had been…

 

“Are we parallel with the desert world yet Helmsman?”

“We are catching up with its trajectory, but it is about to be hit by the heliosphere and we will have to erase it from our star charts.”

-The cradle will fall-

The desert world gone? It had not always been the wasteland it now was. Legends spoke of water in abundance. “Open the blast doors, Helmsmen, Iet's see its demise.” The plastisteel doors opened turning the interior of the craft red. The red giant was now burning iron, its hydrogen fuel long since depleted; it was in the long drawn out stage of stellar senility. It dominated the view screen as its churning surface approached the tiny speck of the desert world.

-And down will come baby-

The Captain felt an immense feeling of sadness. His voice emitter croaked “I would see this with my own eyes.” He took off his facial plate. Amid the tubes and amalgam of flesh and machine his grey eyes blinked as they adjusted to the filter free vision. He felt the strange sting of tears as precious water began to issue from his eyes.

“Cradle and all.” He said solemnly as the planet was engulfed.

“Captain?”

“Its nothing Helmsmen, just random thoughts that have been in my mind since waking from stasis.” In his dreams there was a hidden memory passed down from clone to clone in the invitro tubes; a world of green and blue where ships once plied seas of pure H2O. “Titan wasn’t always our world, you know? Once we were fully organic and came from that very place, long ago. It was once called Earth…”

Of Moose and other Ungulates

I won’t get into a philosophical argument about the existence or absence of God - the Great Designer, whoever he/she may be. But this amazing planet upon which we live certainly has a set of blue prints upon which species have been drawn up again and again. Welcome one and all to the wonders of Convergent Evolution. This is the process whereby animals will evolve the most efficient shape with which to exploit an ecological niche. A good example can be shown between 3 separate species – Sharks, Mesozoic Ichthyosaurs and Dolphins.

Whilst chatting to a friend in real time in Alaska and enjoying the wonders of our modern technological age, the conversation turned to Moose, the largest deer that currently walks the earth. It is certainly an impressive beast but it got me thinking of other creatures that once roamed this world. Now please excuse me for generalisations and the odd error here and there, I’m no scientist but I want to share my sense of wonder with you.

We are all aware of the end of the Age of Dinosaurs, the Mesozoic Era (250mya to 65mya), encompassing the Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous ages, which came to a sudden end with the impact of a comet off the Yucatan peninsula. It allowed small mouse like mammals to emerge from the shadow of the terrible lizards, yet it seemed as if the age of giants was finished.

But as the dust of the comet impact settled, life grabbed at the opportunities on offer. During the 10 million year Paleocene true reptiles became apex predators, thus the world saw giant snakes (Titanboas) and long-legged running crocodiles.

 The poor mammals seemed to be subjects of a new dinosaur age as birds, descendants of the kings of old, evolved into the fearsome Terror Birds – flightless 9 feet tall predatory nightmares. But these were evolutionary opportunists, claiming niches in the absence of competitors. Life is a long running programme and efficiency is everything. True, Terror Birds probably preyed on Eohippus – the Dawn Horse – a dog sized Equine, but the mammals had been diversifying. Their teeth became more efficient, their warm blood allowed them to adapt to different climates and in the Eocene epoch they exploded over the world as mammals grew to giant proportions.

But this was an age before the evolution of carnassial teeth, those specialist tools of the cat, bear and dog. Thus Ungulates (hooved animals), the genus of our old friend the Moose and Eohippus evolutionarily split, and split again, to occupy the available ecological niches. This was the age of the Wolfsheep, predators with claws evolved from hooves such as the fearsome Andrewsachus with its huge mouth of predatory teeth.

One of my favourite species for out and out weirdness is the Chaliothere. It’s a horse but like no other, walking on its knuckles. It looks like a gorilla because it once occupied the same niche as present day gorillas do; the wonders of Convergent Evolution.

Eventually efficiency wins every time, especially with the onset of climatic change. Climate change is nothing new, time and again it moves the goal posts, destroying specialists who have adapted themselves into evolutionary cul de sacs and allowing the generalists to expand their range. Alas victims of change included the magnificent 20 tonne Paraceratherium, a giant hornless Rhino that stood some 16 feet tall at the shoulder.

When true carnivores evolved they quickly (in geological terms!) replaced the wolfsheep of old. Carnassial teeth allowed them to process flesh with a greater degree of efficiency. Of course not before an ancient ungulate took to an aquatic lifestyle and gave rise to the Whales and dolphins, including the largest animal ever to have lived (the Blue Whale).

There are some superb modern species which deserve  special mention with regard to Convergent Evolution. The Giant Amazonian Otter is 6 feet long. It is no accident that in its territory it actively expels the Cayman, the South American Crocodilian, an animal of similar shape and proportions. Of course if one looks back at the ancient fossil record, when mosses grew as tall as trees in the ancient carboniferous swamps, prior to the evolution of crocodiles, there were huge salamanders occupying the same niche. 

While on Madagascar, isolated from other species evolving in Africa, is the Fossa; the largest mammalian carnivore on the island. To all intents and purposes it looks like a cat and eeks out a living as a cat would. However it isn’t a cat at all and is actually a species of Mongoose. Obviously these blueprints must be strictly adhered to, as even the Fossa’s genitalia are shaped, not like a Mongoose’s but more like, yes you guessed it, a cat’s!

It really is a truism that there is nothing new under the sun with Convergent Evolution… but that causes me to ask; why are we unique? In all the millions of years’ worth of evolution are we, Homo Sapiens, a species of primate that began our descent from the trees a million years ago, the only creature that ever occupied our niche? True there were our cousins the Neanderthals, but they were Hominids like us. Why was there never a Saurian hominid?… or was there?!

The Annunaki

 Star Vessel Nibiru. 39 Light years from Zeta Reticuli Binary System.

“Bel Marduk, we have arrived at the target system, behold Sol. We have made contact with the 13 families of the chosen, they say all is prepared. We are hidden behind the Corona sphere of the star, as requested. Are you certain that this was necessary?”

“Yes, the third planet has made six thousand orbits of this star since our departure. We had fast tracked their evolution prior to setting the programme in place. They would have developed rudimentary star vessels by now and may be able to scan for us. It is good that we arrive when we do, lest they seek us out.”

“But Great lord, surely the 13 families are in charge, what does it matter what the slaves may think?”

“They run the planet for us, hidden in plain sight. As on other worlds, these senients develop ideas of liberty in their societies. These desires need to be controlled, lest anarchy takes hold and the programme is disrupted. Slaves they remain yet think they think themselves free. Close the blast shields, though only a solitary star, Sol’s brightness hurts my eyes.”

“As you command Bel Marduk.”

Presidential Palace, Tehran, Iran

“President Mansoor, the avenue is completed. Our workers have been working tirelessly night and day.”

“That is good Sorush, these are the final days my friend I feel it. Soon our enemies will be crushed; the Great Satan defeated and Israel scoured from the earth, Allah be praised. They fear that we are developing nuclear weapons! Ha! When the Hidden Imam arrives in glory to ride to us along his avenue he will see we are worthy inheritors. We will cleanse the world, with divine fire, of the Kaffir, apostates and followers of falsehood. We have gold, we have leverage.”

Vatican City, Rome, Italy

“Ah Brother Gabriel, come in, come in.”

“Thank you, your Holiness. Here are the papers you asked for, four centuries of astronomical observations as well as treatises and theological discussions of findings shared by NASA and the ESA. Has the time come, your Holiness?”

“Yes Brother Gabriel, as prophesised the time is upon us. That is why my predecessor stood down, rather than serve God until his blessed passing. He wished to spend his twilight years in quiet contemplation, free of the terrible burden we bear for all humanity. Besides, some of even the chosen have decided to remain; to attempt to guide humanity through the coming chaos.”

“Will you remain your Holiness?”

“I’m in two minds Gabriel. On one yes I wish to guide the flock through the coming days of darkness, but my other yearns to travel the stars, to see what lies beyond. What will you do Gabriel?”

“As an astronomer, I have no choice but see the stars first hand. I take it the tribute is readied, your Holiness?”

“Indeed Gabriel we have gathered all the gold, accumulated since St Peter first set his church in Rome. Not for nothing did I choose the simple austere life. I had to set an example and payment has to be made in full.”

“Absolutely, your Holiness. If you need help with the papers please let me know.”

“Thank you Gabriel, I may well take you up on the offer. I will get working on my address. Who would have thought; the Pope announcing the existence of intelligent alien life?”

Fort Knox, Kentucky, USA

“Is that the last shipment Hank?”

“Yes Walt, as per the Rockafeller protocol we have dispatched a limited amount to the German Bundesbank, the rest will remain here.”

“But the Germans will test the bars for purity surely?”

“Maybe. They aren’t US Assay Office Bar quality that’s for sure and contain iron and nickel impurities. But by the time they find out, it will be too late.”

“Well we’ve replaced what we’ve sent out anyway. We now have the gold from Ukraine and the reserves that Libya held.”

“Libya?”

“Absolutely. Old Gadaffi based his Dinar on actual gold reserves. We worked with the Rothschild’s and Hapsburgs, and their political puppets, to engineer his downfall. And people thought it was about oil!”

“Who else has gold Hank?”

“Well there’s Iran and the other one was Assad’s Syria, unfortunately the Syrian project fell through, thanks to our agents going rogue and becoming ISIS. Too late now of course, now the gods of old are arriving.”

Niniveh, Assyria, Modern Iraq

“Place the Semtex, destroy this pagan place and its idols. Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar!”

“But Sheikh, this is our heritage, the cradle of human civilisation.”

“It is pagan.  We cannot suffer this place to be. This Marduk is but a false god. Destroy his image now! There is no god but Allah!”

Star Vessel Nibiru. In orbit around Sol

“Bel Marduk, what image shall you project?”

“My ancient form I wore in Sumeria is no longer apt really. I will appear as an angelic being of light to the believers and a demon of darkness to those that question. The blessed will ascend while the cursed wallow in the darkness of their poisoned world.”

“They will not follow, seeking revenge?”

“They won’t be able to. We will have all this world’s gold. Without gold it is not possible to produce warp capacitors for star travel.”

“Their world is poisoned Great One?”

“Indeed, through their industry they have polluted the seas, the land and the air. In addition the chosen have kept humanity in a near permanent state of war, kept these primates in a state of slavery, having to work and keep industry going so as to feed and clothe themselves. All the time they have mined the gold from the rocks of their world, coveted it and gathered it. The 13 families have managed to accumulate the entire world’s wealth through the system of money and religions we taught them to perpetuate, whilst subverting and subduing their true spiritual nature. To be certain our agents have seeded the skies with chemicals, made food production reliant on genetically modified food crops that have an inbuilt kill self-destruction in their DNA. We have also been systematically eliminated insect pollinators. With no food production, their religious and government leaders gone, their economies in ruins and a plethora of weapons and a warlike nature; no they need trouble us not.”

“I will programme your required image into the holo-projectors, Great One.”

“On second thoughts, I think I will go as Marduk, after all let humanity tremble, for the Annunaki have returned….”

Growing Realities

“Good eternity to you, you asked for a visit from housing services?”

“Ah yes, please do come in, I was just boiling the kettle, can I offer you a cup of tea?”

“Not for me thank you, if we may proceed to business?”

“Of course, forgive me you are a busy entity.”

“Yes, eternity doesn’t run itself; I’m sure as a deity you can appreciate that. Now then, I see from the records that you’ve applied for a bigger dwelling.”

“Yes, that’s correct; on account of my hobby.”

“Explain to me again, what is your hobby, exactly?”

“I grow realities.”

You grow realities? What does that involve and why does it mean you need a bigger apartment?”

“Well… I’m sorry but this will take some explaining and I’ll need to wet my whistle; you don’t mind if I make myself a cuppa?”

“Not at all, carry on; this is your home after all.”

“Thank you. It started out as a means of making an ornament, a tiny little universe.  I started by making a singularity and then lit it. It was beautiful the way the stars burst into being. It twinkled away, suspended in mid-air. It wanted to expand in different directions so I contained it in a plasma field. It was fascinating to study. Around some of the stars planets grew and on some of those planets, that were just in the tight habitual zone, life began. Not existence as we know it of course. They were tiny little beings made of, oh what’s that physical stuff, made of biological essence…”

“Flesh? Beings made of meat?”

“Meat! Yes that was it. Sometimes they would destroy their little worlds; sometimes they would have tiny interstellar wars. It was fascinating to watch. Sometimes they would philosophise and think beyond their existence to what lay beyond the confines of their universe. They would even try to talk with me, it was sweet; I was their god of a sorts. You should have seen the plethora of temples the differing races built.”

“Amazing, how did they try to frame your multi dimensional countenance?”

“Ha ha, I always looked like an idealised version of them!”

“That is funny… however if I can be serious for an eon, before we proceed, I have to say that your neighbours have lodged complaints about you.”

“Complaints? What sort of complaints?”

“It would appear that every 100 quintillion of years or so there are a series of loud explosions emanating from your apartment.”

“Oh yes, well that also explains why I need a bigger apartment.”

“It does? How so?”

“Well you see, I should have frozen the reality when it was at its height, then I could have kept it as a pretty bauble but I was interested to see what it would become, and I felt mean doing that to the little meat things. After a while it grew cold and dark and yet became unstably heavy. It seemed that all the stars eventually turned dark and fell in on themselves unable to hold their place in the fabric of spacetime.  They would turn immeasurably dark and draw all matter into themselves in another singularity, a black hole for want of a better term…”

“Well it destroyed itself then, recycling itself back into what it once was? May I see it, by the way?”

“Oh it’s in my spare room, but we will see it soon enough. The problem is that the singularity was so inherently unstable that if first imploded and then exploded, destroying the plasma field and creating new realities; that was probably the big bangs my neighbours complained about.”

“Ah I see, but why do you need a bigger dwelling?”

“Well you see the singularity didn’t make one new universe, it made a multitude of them in different dimensional planes and each of those in turn went through their allotted eons and became these black hole singularities in turn which then…”

“You mean your hobby is growing exponentially?

“Well that’s one way of putting it, I suppose. I’d move away from that door if I were you. We are due another growth spurt any century now and then it will spread into here. Would you like some tea while we wait?”

The Algal Bloom

The two suited figures walked up the river bank, both wore particle masks over their faces, which muffled their conversation. Up on the road their cars waited, surrounded by security guards exuding menace, individuals in dark glasses their right hands under their jackets clasping the handles of their Glock 17’s.

“So Professor, you are quite certain about this?”

“Yes Minister, the virus is in this BlueGreen alga that is beginning to bloom around our coasts and now in the inner waterways.”

“And have you isolated this virus?”

“Yes, it is virus ATCV-1, and our tests seem to indicate that there was a 44% population exposure and airborne infection to it last summer.”

“A 44% infection? In one year?”

“Indeed Minister, and that was in one Spring bloom around the coasts.”

“It was airborne? How?”

“It has a terrific growth rate in the fertile shallows, at first it appears as a normal phytoplankton but soon it forms floating mats of algae. It is then washed ashore by high spring tides where it remains. As it rots in the summer sun the virus is released and carried in the wind. Last year it infected nearly half of the population, partly because no part of the country is more than 50 miles from the sea.”

“How did you find this virus?”

“It was picked up by random testing; toxic screenings, DNA swabs, normal blood tests and drug exposure tests for companies. The same virus was picked up in the DNA of the test subjects. We quantified the results nationwide and came to this 44% figure.”

“And yet Professor, we haven’t had an epidemic of illnesses last year. The hospitals haven’t been full of infected individuals. What are the physical effects of this virus?”

“It has no physical effect, as such, Minister, the virus infects the mental capabilities of the subject.”

The Minister raised his eyebrows. “The mental capabilities?”

“Yes Minister, in particular the cognitive abilities of the subjects. We found them to have a very low attention span, limited memory retention and to be very lacking in creative abilities.”

“But it wouldn’t effect the ability of the subjects to work though would it? Are we looking at a surge of welfare claimants?”

The Professor looked questioning at the Minister before he answered. “We’re not looking at that, no Minister. Just don’t expect there to be any new entrepreneurs or great artists amongst those infected. Likewise expect there to be little or no political interest, bar voting for Britain’s Got Talent or some such thing.”

“That is alright then, as long as the health system is not overrun.” the Minister said, removing his particle mask.

The Professor looked shocked. “Minister, put your mask back on, we are at risk here. The algae has now evolved to infest the fresh water ways as well; that is why I brought you here. This year we may be looking at a 100% infection unless we take action.”

The Minister grinned, but it wasn’t a friendly smile. “Professor, we have been aware of this virus and its interesting side effects for sometime now. We have developed a vaccine against it. So thank you for your concern but I am quite safe.”

“You have a vaccine?” the Professor said in shock. “Then we must instigate a full scale vaccination programme…”

“And why would we do that?” the Minister interrupted, “This virus is a gift. All around the world we have unrest as resources grow scarcer, and the supply of food, water and energy becomes increasingly difficult to source. The rule of law breaks down as people get organised, gleaning their information from the internet and social media rather than the traditional forms of media. People ask uncomfortable questions over Government news feeds and policies; they question their social programming and we just cant have that. Control of the masses worldwide becomes far easier if the people are fundamentally too stupid to ask such questions.”

“You cant possibly get away with this.” the professor said incredulously.

“Oh we already have, Professor.” the Minister said signalling to his security guards. “What one resource unites all mankind, around which all settlements can be found?”

“Water…” the Professor answered, aware that the security guards were drawing in close, attaching silencers to their now visible Glocks.

“Exactly, for years these algal blooms have been growing, to the extent that they are an annual event. People now longer question them, putting them down to pollution, leaching of fertilisers into the sea and climate change. It was a simple act using genetic manipulation to introduce this virus into their genome. As you said this year we will have infection rates of 100%.”

“But why did you hire me to investigate this?” the Professor said swallowing hard as he heard a magazine being slammed into a Glock behind him.

“So we could observe your investigation and those connected to you and your work. We now know who knows what. Even as we speak the Kelly Protocol has been instigated. The papers and hard drives at your university and home, and those of your contacts, will be seized, as is standard procedure, when a Government operative commits suicide and their spouse lists them as missing.”

“But my wife knew I was coming to meet you and…”

“You failed to meet me here, instead you went into the woods close to your house, where your body was discovered by a dog walker. You were ashamed of the huge debts that you had incurred that threatened to ruin you. Not to mention that hard core porn site you constantly visited; such shocking images. ”

“What? But I haven’t got huge debts, I never visited…”

“All is possible with just the click of a mouse professor. When it all comes out your wife will question whether she ever really knew you at all. But don’t worry your pension is intact, she will be financially comfortable. Soon of course she wont question anything anyway. Its been good working with you, her Majesty’s Government thanks you for your efforts, goodbye.” With that the Minister turned away.

The Professor felt the cold metal of the silencer against his temple, he watched as the Minister climbed into his back of his vehicle without looking back. He shut his eyes…

Lost in the woods.

Wood; a porous, fibrous material used as a structural material by trees and other plants. It is composite of cellulose fibres embedded in a matrix of lignin. The result is a material that is strong in tension and resists compression. Each growth ring marks a year and records the climatic conditions it withstood.  It was in the branches of trees that long ago a certain species of primate evolved. In the canopy we found edible leaves and fruits and shelter. When as a species we climbed down from these protective primeval branches, with our tool making opposing thumbs, it was to wood we first turned to build the world to our liking. It is our first choice as a building material whether for houses, boats or constructing furniture.  It has been utilised to make weapons probably since the very first hominid picked up a stick to fend off a predator.

Of course as we have evolved and “progressed” we have sought other materials; ores from the ground, stone and synthetic products. Yet, despite this veneer of sophistry we still harbour a love and yearning for wooden items, marveling at its beauty and intricate graining. Indeed as infants we are bedded down in wooden cots and when we pass from this life we are returned to the ground; naturally in a wooden box. Around churches and graveyards can be found Yew trees; a long living tree that connects us with our long gone forebears. So the need for trees is physical, emotional and spiritual.

And in woods and forests, there we find a satisfaction for this need. A meme doing the rounds recently declared that “nature is my church and forests are my cathedrals”. I wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment. At college I studied Biology and Environmental Science; I know that forests are important as ecological reservoirs, that a rotting stump is a home for a myriad of tiny insects from which all other lives depend in a huge interdependent network. Yes this is a good enough reason to love woods and forests as well as the fact that they produce oxygen and filter carbon dioxide from the atmosphere to fix it as wood. But there is more.

There is magic in the world. Did you think it was a myth, a mere faerie tale perhaps? When I say magic I don’t mean a card trick or an illusion of smoke and mirrors. No, I mean that which we would call the fantastic; that which we would call otherworldly. It’s all a question if where to find it… the rest is down to the perception of the individual I suppose, but personally I know there is something phantasmagorical about forests.

Have you ever heard the term “Being pixie led”? It means that an individual becomes lost in familiar surroundings. The myth is that it is the “little folk”, those mischievous denizens of wild places, which are playing a trick on you. According to folklore the spell is easily broken; you take your coat off and put it on inside out, close your eyes and turn around three times widdershins (counter clockwise). Why this should placate them I do not know. It’s just nonsense right? Especially where I grew up; it is just the cider addled ramblings of ignorant yokels, and yet… let me tell you a true tale.

Growing up on the Blackdown Hills on the Somerset/Devon border, the fields about were interspersed with woods of beech and oak, while the steepest hillsides were wild with bracken, gorse and heather. Many were the hours I spent wandering those places, eager to see all that I could and just revelling in the wildness of it all. I've had tame crows hop on my shoulder and had badger cubs playing around my legs but these things aren't strange as such, although they are precious memories.

What was strange was one day walking through the woods on my way home. The skies were grey and threatening rain. I was walking down a familiar track, one I had traversed countless times before when it abruptly disappeared in a tangle of brush and bramble. I looked behind me thinking to retrace my steps, perhaps I had daydreamed myself into taking a wrong turn? But no, the path I had just walked was gone as well. I knew where I was but was unable to get to where I wanted to be! Then I recalled the spell, what did I have to lose? I chuckled to myself as I took off my denim jacket and put it on inside out, shut my eyes tight and turned three times counter clockwise.  I opened my eyes and there was the path straight in front of me. I looked at my feet and could see my prints in the mud where I had spun and their trail leading to where I had been forced to abruptly stop. I laughed again, but a little nervously this time, but also in wonder as I hurried out of the woods and headed home. It was a lesson learned that made me love the woods all the more and I got extremely protective of trees.

Over the years of course I began to think logically as life settled into the monotony of work and I began to forget the whole episode. Besides I was a teen then and teenage brains are wired differently. I probably just strayed from the path, that was all, and when I closed my eyes and turned I just saw the path again, but from a different angle, yes that was all it was. God, what was I like back then? Completely away with the faeries unlike now…

Last year I took my son for an afternoon’s hike in my favourite woods, the same woods I spent so many happy hours in. I thought it would be nice, just the two of us. It meant dragging him from his Nintendo DS however, much to his disgust. I hadn't been in these woods for years but I remembered the general layout of its tracks. The trees are taller now of course but I knew where we were. I knew that I wanted to avoid a particularly dense patch of dark conifers.  I remembered having to crawl underneath the branches and having my face and arms scratched by draping brambles. Yet try as we might every path we took drew us inexorably into the very place I wished to avoid. Soon I was doubled up and my lad was complaining about the brambles and the path threatened to disappear. It was then that I remembered an event from my youth. My son looked at me incredulously as I told him what had happened to me many years before, but what did we have to lose?  Besides there was “no-one“  who could see us perform our ritual, so his pre-teen coolness wasn't threatened (no human anyway!). He shook his head as he took off his fleece and put it on inside out. We spun widdershins. As before there was the path, unobscured clearly leading out of the conifer stand. We hurried along it, my son not ridiculing his silly dad this time and looking warily up at the trees now, fully expecting to see mischievous, and laughing elves!

The path led us to more open forest of mature trees. I knew where we were again; we should be coming to the stile and the way out of the woods. The topography was helping us too. All we had to do was follow the slope and… oh, a fallen tree is barring the way. No matter we can just go around it and… our feet threatened to sink into a marsh and then my son pointed out that I had not turned my tee shirt inside out. I smiled at my son’s new found sense of magic and promptly did as he urged. Once more we both thrice span widdershins and opened our eyes. The spell broken, there was the path leading directly to the stile not twenty yards away and clearly visible now, where it hadn't been before.

So go into the woods and feel the magic, tread softly and speak in hushed tones, because you may not actually be alone, but fear not; if you get pixie led, it’s just a game the little folk like to play and you know how to overcome it now, don’t you?